There is a lot of judgment around mothering. There is great expectation because we have an idea of what mothering is, of what it should be. If we didn’t get that we feel as if something is missing. We are wounded. We judge women who do not or could not live up to that task of “being a good mother” to their children. As moms we judge ourselves, often harshly.

Confession: Today, Mother’s Day, all I wanted was to be alone.

Well, it didn’t start out that way. I happily made breakfast and coffee for my family and my mother-in-law. I got cards and flowers. We had planned to visit a beautiful garden on this sunny day. I packed everyone a picnic lunch. We had a nice time. We hit an antique store on the way home and browsed.

Then, as we headed home in the afternoon I could feel the leave-me-alones coming on. I didn’t want to make anyone food. I didn’t want to pick up after anyone. I had corrected my daughter’s attitude in her voice enough times for the day. I wanted to sit in the sun and read, or sit here and write. And people could judge me for that and I can judge myself for it but my point is that judgment leads away from love.

Instead of judging mothers we could be helping, caring or adding love to a situation that is calling for love.

Rather than holding the poison of resentment toward our own mothers if they are or were somehow “not enough” as a mother we could be opening to people who are around us now offering love and care.

And we can give ourselves what we need when we need it — whether kind words or encouragement, or a nap or alone time if possible, or just gentleness. Isn’t that what we associate with mothering? Nurturing, caring, softness. That’s the ideal. Some of us had moms like that. Some of us need to receive that elsewhere… or directly from the Source.

The Divine was referred to as The Mother in many ancient traditions. The Mother is nurturing energy. She can hold you whenever you need to be held. She is always available. She never waivers. We may go away or turn her down due to our own self-condemnation but she has not left us. Our judgment leads us away from Her. Our love for ourselves returns us to Her Love.

When we can drop the self-judgment that we are habituated to, when we can stand and take it — tolerate Divine Love, when we ask for it, The Mother will come running as “good” mothers do.

Then we can relax. We’ll feel safe. We’ll be able to go on. We will do great things in our lives and in the world with that Love buoying us.

So, when I told my husband that I wanted some alone time he happily obliged, maybe because it’s Mother’s Day. I sat still and breathed until I felt warmth and energy in my body. I wrote this note. Now I’m ready to make somebody food.