I LOOOOOOVE coffee. I am probably a coffee snob at this point — you know, when you develop a taste for something so that you can pick out the subtle differences and nuances. I like it roasted a certain way, and cold-brewed — unless it’s espresso, then with dense foam but no milk. I like a good bullet-proof. My favorite roasters are in Iceland.

Yes, I’m aware it has gotten out of control.

I do not, however, like to be under the influence of caffeine. And it hurts to get off of it. The headache the second day can keep you up at night. I know because I will occasionally get back “on it” — when a certain globe-trotting friend brings me a bag back from Iceland, for example.

I feel my body vibrating on caffeine. The thing is, I feel my body vibrating when I’m not on it. But it’s not as dramatic, and it’s stable and steady. The energy field inside and around us doesn’t go up and down. It never wavers. It’s harder to access though, when we’re shaking from stimulants.

Just like it’s harder to arrive at bliss when we’re chasing self-defeating thrills.

Just like it’s harder to know the Love that we are made of when we are desperately seeking someone else’s love.

We’re skipping stones across the ocean of all that is and all that we need, rather than dropping into it, immersing ourselves, swimming, or drinking it in.

Probably because it seems boring at first, to think of sitting still or breathing deeply.

Or it seems silly to look yourself in the eye in a mirror and say how much you love her or him.

Or maybe it’s that we don’t trust The Source. We don’t think that God will sustain us — give us as much energy as coffee and more love than even a loving parent and greater highs than alcohol and drugs.

Believe me, I tried it all. I chased the love of someone unavailable for intimacy. I smoked pot until meditation took me higher. I ran on coffee because I was busy and “needed” it.

All of it is less than. They are false idols, cheap substitutes. It’s being under the influence of fear and lack, and other things that are not real.

In the first verse of The Tao Te Ching it says

Free from desire, you realize the mystery.  

Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.

The world is flashy and offers lots of fun stuff that we want, but when that is our motivation that is all that we see. We’re seeing the manifestations of the source and missing the magnificence of the source itself. Hopped up on our own stress, our own struggle and story (or good coffee)… we’re skipping those stones and not dropping into The Mystery.

What are you under the influence of?

Ask. Look into it. Yes, it might hurt a little to get off of it, to let it go, to stop… but what is here in the present moment, as close as your own heart, is worth it.