What if I laid around all day today and accomplished nothing but Rest…
Would you deem me unworthy of love?
What if I gained 10 pounds…
Would I become ugly, or worse?
If I fail to be a perfect parent despite earnest effort,
Should I punish myself with guilt?
Picture me single, without a partner…
Am I flawed?
Unlovable?
Incomplete?
If my business fails,
My idea flops,
My book is unpublished
or I get fired…
Does that make me less of a worthwhile person with much to give the world?
And are you so different from me?
Thank you for this beautiful post. Loved it .
Thank you Alesia. Blessings.
I like this post but I find it a little infuriating right now, at this moment. Sorry. I do. Because I DO feel like a loser if I am not “accomplishing” anything instead of resting. In fact, my body reacts heavily by offering me a panic attack. I constantly feel like no one will love me if I am not “fit”, “athletic” or “attractive”. I am always feeding my momma guilt tummy with hateful thoughts. I am single and continue to fail, utterly fail at finding a suitable mate and this only invigorates my self loathing. I feel less than, left out and just generally LOST.
The Universe is supposedly this vast, mysterious energy/place/body/thing…. that is FOR MY HIGHEST GOOD but I am at the point where I feel like my negativity is sooooooo HUGE it’s in the way of my good. And I cannot move it, move around it, make it disappear, trust it was dissipate with faith….
I am where I am and I can only know I am exactly where I am supposed to be, but I’d sure love to be resting on a hammock, with my svelte body, with my son playing nearby saying how much he loves me, with the man of my dreams smiling at me as we laugh at just how freaking wonderful life is. When/how/where does on achieve this? Everyone keeps saying let go of the need to control, let go of the expectations and trust in the higher order. Is that really all there is to do?
Hey Jill, I just write the stuff as I hear it. 😀 It is for me as much as anyone. I think the offering was to see me as a reflection of you, your own beauty – as you are, as it all is – like you see me. My scenario/body/child/work are not as I would write them in my ideal story either, but you are so soft and loving to me. May I be a clear mirror for you?
I know what helps me too is to question my thoughts, be skeptical of their truth – alot of THEM are BS!
And sometimes, sometimes, I can be in acceptance of everything and myself as it and I am (negativity, anger, anxiety, feelings in my body and all) – Aaaah. That to me is rest. Resistance tires me out. Then when Im ready, I try again to achieve, alternating with listening.
Waiting for life/body/anything to be as certain way may be a long way off to be happy – if ever. I learned that and got to practice acceptance being in my-less-than-ideal marriage and going through the end of that. I experienced contentment while in it and watched with neutrality while emotions wracked my body after it ended. The yogis call it Santosha – contentment. Some call it ‘the peace that passeth all understanding’. I don’t feel it all the time, but I know it exists… to be in acceptance of what is, and still get to play “Wouldn’t it be nice if…”
Sending you love and hugs!